After all this I was officially diagnosed with Guillain Barre Syndrome and now I lay here in a induced coma. The lumbar puncture test the day before confirmed what I was thinking all along. My breathing became so compromised they had to place me in a coma, they intubated me and placed me on mechanical ventilator. Now I lay here in a coma and unsure on what lies ahead. My life now is in the hands of the doctors and nurses that are taking care of me. It’s crazy on how Guillain Barre Syndrome can literally turn your life upside down.
I knew I was in rough shape, I was literally walking a tight rope between life and death. As I sit here and write this, this is the first time seeing these photos of me in an induced coma fighting against this awful auto immune disorder called Guillain Barre Syndrome. It’s kind of hard to watch as it brings back memories, emotions, and everything that I literally had to go through.
While I was in my coma they had me hooked up to so much stuff. They had me on a feeding tube and were giving me 3,000 calories a day.
I lay here completely helpless. One moment i’m awake and the next moment i’m in an induced coma. I don’t remember much but there are a few things I do.
Here is some of the equipment that is keeping me alive. It’s kind of scary to think that my life is relying upon this machine but at the same time it’s pretty neat as well.
Everyone experiences different things when placed in a coma. For some they don’t remember anything other than just a gap in their life with no idea what was going on during this time. For me as I lay here the only thing I remember or for what I thought was real is me laying in my hospital bed and the doctor standing behind the curtain. I could see him through it but he would not speak to me just standing there silently. I was telling him I did not want to go on but again he would not say anything. For some reason at this point, probably out of frustration I called him a coward as he just stood there not speaking to me but was he listening? I didn’t want to go on anymore, why wasn’t he listening? I don’t know what happened after but all of a sudden I wanted to live. I started telling the doctor to help me and that I wanted to go on and live. I continue to lay in my bed with no response from the doctor unsure if I’m being heard and what was to come.
Then all of a sudden I heard a meeting between the doctors, hospital management, and my wife and parents discussing how they were going to pay for all my treatments. I could hear the stress from everyone as they tried to figure out how they were going to pay for this. I kept hearing a man saying that this is what was gonna cost every day as I required so much care. I remember hearing my wife and my parents having private conversations trying to figure things out. I lay there wondering what was going to happen to me, how are they going to pay for such a large bill go forward for all my treatments. I felt the stress from everyone, I was stressed out to thinking I cannot even help, I cannot speak, what was going to happen to me. Then all a sudden I hear an agreement was reached towards the cost of my treatments and care going forward. Now I know this was not real but just something that was going through my head while I lay there in my induced coma.
Will I ever come out of my induced coma? Will I be healed from Guillain Barre Syndrome? What will come next of my life as a result of GBS? How long will I be in this coma for? So many questions but yet so few answers.
My parents and my family waited next to my bedside everyday worrying as I lay there helpless fighting for my life wondering if I’ll be okay. This time was not just difficult for me but for everyone involved.